What a remarkable woman! Mary the mother of Jesus, this young woman who said yes to Gabriel, accepting the assignment to be the mother of our Lord. This assignment positioned her uniquely to experience both exquisite joy and excruciating pain. 

We have just celebrated Christmas with its focus on the events surrounding the birth of Jesus. Docile pictures on Christmas cards of Mary holding her newborn can’t possibly reveal the span of emotions that this post-partum teenager was experiencing. Awe? For sure. Relief? Definitely. Fear? Insecurity? Thank goodness for Joseph – he knows and believes. Thank goodness for the shepherds, validating what the angel had said. Thank God for Simeon and Anna ratifying the identity of this child. Thank God for the maji;  just when we needed another reminder, the entourage arrived with confirmation that this ordinary seeming, human appearing child is indeed the Messiah, the King. 

But this set in motion a terrifying season for the young caretakers of the King. “Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt until I tell you, for Herod is about to search for the child, to DESTROY him.”(Mt.2:13) The sword that Simeon spoke of is hovering over Mary’s heart as Joseph rouses her and they set off in the night. Where will they go? How will they provide for the child? Did Joseph hear correctly? 

We don’t know the answer to the first two questions, but we do know that Joseph heard correctly by leading his young family to Egypt. And we know that Joseph hears clearly again. “Rise, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who sought the child’s life are dead.” (Mt.2:20) Upon returning to  Israel, Mary and Joseph learn that although Herod the Great is dead, his son, Archelaus, is no less cruel. What if this king learns of the child? Fear, uncertainty hover again. How do we protect the child? “Being warned in a dream, he withdrew to the district of Galilee. And he went and lived in a city called Nazareth.” (Mt.2:22,23)

Back to Nazareth? What do we tell our family about our years of absence? Why did we go to Egypt? Nevertheless Joseph, Mary and Jesus settle into life in this small town. The family grows as Joseph and Mary have other children: James, Joses, Judas, Simon, and daughters. (Mk.6:3) 

But the hovering sword that Simeon, the old prophet, alluded to long ago pierces the soul of Mary deeply with the death of dear Joseph. Joseph was not just Mary’s husband but he was the closest carrier of the mystery. Mary could always recount with Joseph the words of the angel, the warnings of the dreams, the visits of the shepherds and magi, the words of Simeon and Anna. They could always remind each other of all these things to keep their faith strong. As the eldest son, Jesus now has the responsibility to care for Mary and lead the family.

At 30 years of age, Jesus joins his cousin John at the Jordan River and is baptized, inaugurating his ministry of announcing the Kingdom of God and himself as the Son of man. But what about his responsibility to provide for Mary and the family?  As his brothers hear about their older brother preaching in the synagogue, healing those with diseases and demonic affliction and crowds following him, they decide that it is time to put this irresponsible nonsense to a stop. “When his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying ,’He is out of his mind.’”(Mk.3:21) The siblings take Mary with them. Did she want to go? Was her presence meant to guilt Jesus back into resuming his family responsibilities? Was the family suffering shame because of the antics of their brother? “And his mother and his brothers came and standing outside they sent to him and called him. And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, ‘Your mother and your brothers and sisters are outside, seeking you.’ And looking about at those who sat around him, Jesus said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.’” (Mk.3:31-35)

Another sword is piercing this mother’s heart. Her children are at enmity with each other. Every mother knows how painful this is and Mary is no exception. Her own children are rejecting the one that she knows is the true Son of God. “He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.” (Lk.1:32-33) This proclamation of Gabriel has never departed from her. She has pondered it in her heart a thousand times and now is seeing it come to pass. What joy! But what pain accompanies the joy; her own children, whom she dearly loves, are blind to his identity and oppose his ministry. Has she failed to impart to them what she has known and carried in her heart all these years? Every mother has asked herself the questions, “Is it my fault? Am I to blame?” Mary may have asked these as well. She probably also pondered what she could do or say or show that would dispel their doubts.

“What will convince my children that their elder brother is Immanuel, God with us?” Perhaps Mary saw her opportunity at the wedding at Cana. The hosts have run out of wine – might this be the time for Jesus to manifest his identity? If her children saw him work a miracle, this might be just the thing that would convince them. “They have no wine.”, Mary informs Jesus. Was Jesus aware of another agenda in his mother’s heart besides helping the hosts save face? “Dear woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” (Jn.2:3-5)  At this Mary only instructs the servants at the feast to do whatever Jesus tells them to do. And indeed, in submission to the will of his Father, Jesus supplies wine in abundance. The source of the best wine, saved for the end of the celebration, was hidden to most. Mary knew, the servants who filled the jars with water knew, his disciples knew. “And his disciples believed in him” (Jn.2:11) Did his siblings know? Did Mary tell them?

We do know that after the wedding, Jesus “went down to Capernaum with his mother and his brothers and sisters and his disciples and they stayed there for a few days.” (Jn.2:12) This seems hopeful to Mary. Her physical family and Jesus’ disciples are all together. It seems that  assembling in Capernaum would prepare them as a group to head up to Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover. I would imagine that Mary’s expectations are high with this display of unity. But Jesus’ actions and words when they reach Jerusalem may have dashed her hopes; actions like taking a whip of cords and driving the vendors and money changers out of the temple court, flipping tables and pouring out money, words like,”Do not make my Father’s house a house of trade.” or “Destroy this temple and in three days I will raise it up.” (Jn.2:13-20) What is Jesus doing? The sword of hope deferred must have pierced Mary’s heart as her children’s suspicions that Jesus is out of his mind are undoubtedly confirmed. And now he is ranting and raging in Jerusalem of all places, to their horror and embarrassment. 

Jesus returns to his hometown with his disciples and on the sabbath teaches in the synagogue. Matthew, Mark and Luke record his encounter with those who knew him and his family. “He taught them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished and said, ‘Where did this man get this wisdom and these mighty works? Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother to James and Joses and Simon and Judas? Are not his sisters here with us? And they took offense at him.” (Mk.6:1-3)

Whether it is the same incident or not, Luke also writes about Jesus in the synagogue in Nazareth. But not only were those who heard him offended, it says that, “all in the synagogue were filled with wrath. And they rose up and drove him out of the town and brought him to the brow of the hill on which their town was built, so that they could throw him down the cliff.” (Lk.4:28,29) Were Jesus brothers in that mob? Was Mary there? 

The sword pierces more deeply as embarrassment turns to friction, friction turns to offense, offense turns to hatred and hatred turns quickly to violence. Mary is experiencing anything but what she expressed to Elizabeth in her song, “From now on all generations will call me blessed, for he who is mighty has done great things for me.” How could her own family and now her own townspeople try to kill the one who was their Messiah? Instead of being seen as the blessed mother of the Son of God, she is the mother of a lunatic and even worse, a blasphemer. 

Perhaps in these times as the sword pierced her soul, she remembered the full prophecy of Simeon in the temple. If only Joseph were still alive to remember it with her. “This child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed.” (Lk.2:35) Indeed the thoughts of many hearts, the fall and the rising of many were being revealed. But how it pained the soul of Mary to see this played out.

The deepest and most excruciating cut of all was to look up at her broken, bloodied son on the cross. There he was in agony, fulfilling the will of his Father. “Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold your son!’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’ And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.” (Jn.19:25-27) The firstborn son provides for his beloved mother from the cross and assigns her a new family who will share a bond stronger than flesh and blood. As he said years before, “whoever does the will of my Father, he is my brother and sister and mother.” In this new spiritual family, Mary will indeed be honored and called blessed, for the Lord has done great things for and through her. 

After the resurrection and ascension of Jesus, we see Mary in the upper room with her spiritual family, the disciples. “All these with one accord were devoting themselves to prayer, together with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus and his brothers.” (Acts 1:14) Who are these brothers that are mentioned at the end of this verse? Perhaps these are his physical brothers and sisters in which case Mary’s joy would be complete. We do know that two of his siblings, James and Jude submitted to Jesus as the Christ and their Lord and we read their letters in the New Testament. 

Mary is rightly honored as the faith-filled highly-favored young woman who surrendered herself to the will of God, despite the cost and despite the sword. But the sword pierced her soul throughout her life, not just at the cross. Mary experienced the fears of a first birth away from family, in primitive and vulnerable conditions. She felt the terrors of fleeing from a murderous king in the middle of the night and living in a foreign land. She felt the confusion of returning to Israel only to find that Herod’s ruling son was no safer than his father.  Mary grieved the loss of her partner in faith and family, Joseph – couldn’t Jesus have healed him as he healed so many others? Mary suffered watching her children disdain their brother whom they saw as shirking his responsibility to his family. She mourned that they couldn’t see his divinity, and opposed his ministry and mocked his identity. She experienced glimmers of hope that they might come to know their oldest brother as God with them, only to have those hopes dashed. She was appalled as they joined the self-righteous mob to dispose of this blasphemer once and for all. She undoubtedly felt the sting of disapproval for having raised such a son. She recoiled in horror to see her son marred beyond recognition with life draining from his body. She treasured his final words to her as he saw her as his dear mother and provided for her as her firstborn son and her Lord. Mary is real. Mary is amazing but Mary is also like us. She was not immune to tests and trials. She was not unaffected by doubts as her circumstances at times seemed so distant from the prophetic words she treasured. She had children that did not get along. She had hard choices to make. She experienced the sting of unfulfilled expectations. She had to ignore the whispers or even the taunts of those who couldn’t see. 

Thank you Mary. Thank you gospel writers for giving us glimpses of a real woman, in a real family, with real struggles and overcoming faith.